Monday, 18 October 2010

Watching...

Walking down the street all alone. So lonely. No friends. No family. How did this happen? Why did this happen? What did I do?


I carried on walking down this familiar road, but yet it seemed different. The tarmac, the houses. Suddenly, darkness filled my mind and I was lost. Lost in this street. This world. I ran. I ran from the thing that was there, always there. The thing. The creature. Something was watching me. Always watching. From a tree, a bush, a window.


Those eyes. Those eyes that burn through the back of my head…


Jonathan Allen Holt

6 comments:

  1. Oooh! A real sense of desperation in this one. He just wants to get away from...the thing! Love it!

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  2. I like this a lot. It would make a very strong opening to a book - the reader would be hooked, desperate to know what THE THING is. Great stuff.

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  3. This is so good I wish I'd written it! Fantastic short sentences. Real pace and urgency and desperation. Love the sentence, "From a tree, a bush, a window." And the ending is tremendous - the repeat of "Those eyes" works so well to up the fear the character is feeling. Nice.

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  4. This is fantastic! So controlled! you have a career writing creepy stuff ahead I think!

    Sarah Silverwood
    The Double-Edged Sword

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  5. Great sense of rhythm in this piece, and the last line is the best, which is how it should be. :)

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  6. You created an excellent creepy atmosphere and a real sense of paranoia. Well done!

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