Monday, 18 October 2010

FOLLOWED!

Walking through the streets at night it was strangely quiet. The scratch of something in the sewers the paranoia was setting in. the street lights flickered the screaming of the cats nearby. Going through the alleys was quicker getting home the sound of footsteps startled me as I emerged from the first alley and into the bright light. I scuttled across the road into the next alley it was longer than the last but I was nearly home now, as I raced to the end of the alley .A shadow. I peered around the corner there was a sense of nothingness inside I felt weak. I kept running I heard footsteps. As I ran faster the footsteps got louder and louder, home at last. I opened the door. The burning light beamed in and cut through the darkness I stepped in I shut the door, it slammed. I walked up stairs to my bedroom I went to close my curtains but I saw something it was a man with a bloody knife. I shut my curtains and turned around .he was there. Sitting in the corner of my room it walked over to me. I looked at the door .it opened. mum walked in I looked back where this thing was it was gone!



By Matthew Lee J

6 comments:

  1. Great use of the short sentence to build up the tension. really creepy well done!

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  2. There's a maturity to this that's astonished me. Really clever use of pace and imagery. Love the 'sense of nothingness' and fab word use, too, such as: emerged; scuttled; peered, all building that creepiness! Nice one Matthew!

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  3. Lovely atmosphere and description - gave me the shivers! Just keep an eye on your sentences- sometimes they're phrases rather than full sentences (I do that too sometimes!)
    Really, really good stuff!

    Sarah Silverwood
    The Double-Edged Sword

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  4. I like this a lot. Great example of building atmosphere and tension without needing to use any adjectives - which is something I'm always banging on about.
    When you come to edit it, I'd suggest one little thing: see how it looks if you cut the first sentence.

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  5. Lots of strong verbs! Loved the atmosphere, and bits like this: "...the sound of footsteps startled me as I emerged from the first alley and into the bright light." Wonderful!

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  6. Nice pacing and atmosphere - "there was a sense of nothingness" was, weirdly, kinda creepy!

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